Peer Bullying: Is Your Child Being Bullied? A Comprehensive Guide

Peer Bullying: Is Your Child Being Bullied?

"I don't want to go to school today." If you have started hearing this sentence several times a week, if you have noticed that your child's school bag is regularly scattered or things are missing from it, if you have observed that they are much quieter than usual at dinner — these signs may be pointing to something: **peer bullying**. Bullying is a serious psychological health concern that can leave deep marks on the lives of children and adolescents and requires early intervention.

**Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu**, a child and adolescent psychiatrist practicing in Ankara, emphasizes that exposure to bullying during school age lays the groundwork for depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, and academic failure, with these effects potentially extending into adulthood. Bullying is neither a "normal growing pain" nor "just a kid thing" — it is a serious condition requiring treatment. An increasing number of families in Ankara are presenting to the clinic each year upon realizing that their children are experiencing bullying.

In this article, we will comprehensively cover what bullying is, its types, symptoms, psychological effects, victim and bully profiles, the reality of cyberbullying, intervention strategies, and prevention methods. The aim is to provide families in Ankara with a scientifically based, actionable, and empowering guide.

Key Points

- Peer bullying occurs in four main forms: physical, verbal, relational, and cyberbullying. Each presents different signs and requires different intervention strategies.

- Bullying victims may develop depression, anxiety disorders, and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms. Effects can persist into adulthood.

- There are usually psychological issues in the background of bullies as well. Children who bully also require evaluation and support.

- The bully-victim group — children who both bully and are bullied — faces the highest psychiatric risk.

- In Ankara, **Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** evaluates victims, bullies, and bully-victims alike, creating comprehensive treatment plans.

What Is Bullying? Definition and Core Characteristics

Peer bullying is a form of harmful behavior that occurs intentionally, repeatedly, and within a power imbalance. It is estimated that approximately **20-30%** of school-age children worldwide are exposed to bullying. Research conducted in Turkey shows similar rates. In clinical practice in Ankara, bullying is observed to affect children from every socioeconomic level, every type of school, and every age group.

Bullying has three core distinguishing features:

1. **Intentionality:** It aims to cause harm. It is different from accidents or incidents during play.
2. **Repetition:** It is not a one-time conflict but an ongoing pattern. It is systematic behavior directed at the same child.
3. **Power imbalance:** The bully has an advantage such as physical strength, social status, numerical superiority, or information advantage.

The co-occurrence of these three features distinguishes bullying from normal peer conflict. In Ankara, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu carefully makes this distinction during evaluations.

Types of Bullying

Physical Bullying

Physical bullying is the most visible and easiest to recognize form of bullying. It is particularly common in elementary school age:

- Hitting, pushing, kicking, pulling hair, slapping
- Damaging belongings: Tearing their bag, destroying notebooks, dirtying clothes
- Stealing belongings or taking them by force
- Blocking paths, cornering, preventing escape
- Physical threats: "I will be waiting for you outside"
- Damaging food, drinks, or personal items

Physical bullying typically occurs in schoolyards, corridors, restrooms, or areas outside teacher supervision. Although camera systems are becoming common in Ankara schools, hidden areas still exist.

Verbal Bullying

Verbal bullying is the most common type of bullying and can be as destructive as physical bullying:

- Giving degrading nicknames: Based on physical features, ethnicity, or economic status
- Mocking, humiliating: In front of everyone in class
- Threatening: "If you tell, I will beat you up," "No one will be friends with you"
- Blackmailing: "If you do not do it, I will tell everyone"
- Speaking negatively about family, religion, culture, or appearance
- Systematic humiliation disguised as "I was just joking"
- Negative name-calling: Distorting the child's name or using degrading adjectives

The most dangerous aspect of verbal bullying is that despite leaving no physical marks, it permanently damages self-esteem. In clinical experience in Ankara, many children exposed to verbal bullying begin thinking "maybe they are right" and internalize what the bully says.

Relational (Social) Bullying

Relational bullying is the most insidious and hardest to detect form of bullying. It is particularly common among girls during middle school (ages 11-14):

- Deliberately pushing out of a group, consciously excluding: "You cannot sit with us"
- Spreading gossip and false rumors: Reputation destruction beginning with "Did you hear that she..."
- Manipulating the friend group to isolate: Discouraging other children from talking to the victim
- "If you are with me, you cannot be with them" pressure: Using social relationships as a weapon
- Invisible but destructive micro-aggressions such as eye-rolling, smirking, whispering
- Removing from group messages, not inviting to activities
- Using social status as a threat tool

Relational bullying is often dismissed by teachers and parents as "girl drama." Yet research shows that relational bullying causes as much, if not more, psychological damage as physical bullying. In Ankara, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu creates intervention plans through in-depth social dynamics analysis in such cases.

Cyberbullying

With the spread of digital technology and social media, this has become the fastest-growing form of bullying throughout Turkey, including Ankara. Considering that smartphone use age in Turkey is steadily declining and social media use is reaching down to ages 10-11, cyberbullying is now a public health issue.

**Common forms of cyberbullying:**
- Degrading posts, comments, and tags on social media
- Being removed from WhatsApp groups, being targeted through new groups
- Photo or video manipulation (deepfakes, morphing, meme creation)
- Unauthorized sharing of private messages or photos (including sextortion)
- Creating fake profiles to stalk, harass, or impersonate
- Organized exclusion or verbal harassment in online games
- Targeting through anonymous Q&A platforms (such as Ask.fm, NGL)

**Critical differences between cyberbullying and traditional bullying:**

| Feature | Traditional Bullying | Cyberbullying |
|---------|---------------------|---------------|
| Time | School hours | Continues 24/7 |
| Location | School, neighborhood | No boundaries, everywhere |
| Audience | Limited | Potentially thousands |
| Anonymity | Bully usually known | Bully can hide |
| Permanence | Incident ends | Content can circulate indefinitely |
| Safe space | Home is safe | No safe space remains |

In Ankara, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu notes observing more severe depression and anxiety symptoms in cyberbullying victims compared to traditional bullying. Even when the child comes home, they cannot escape the bullying; it enters the home environment through screens.

Signs of Bullying: What Should Parents Notice?

Children rarely directly report bullying. Research shows that only **20-30%** of bullied children tell an adult. They may stay silent due to shame, guilt, fear of the situation worsening, fear of being labeled a "snitch," or anxiety about appearing "weak." This is why it is critically important for parents to notice behavioral changes early.

School-Related Changes - Not wanting to go to school, frequent illness excuses (Monday syndrome) - Sudden and unexplained drop in academic performance - Frequently losing school supplies or bringing them home damaged - Avoiding certain students, routes, or locations (restroom, cafeteria) - Being alone during breaks, appearing isolated in the schoolyard - Making excuses to leave school early - Wanting to take a different route home

Emotional and Behavioral Changes - Marked sadness, anger, or panic after using social media or phone - Excessive irritability, anger outbursts directed at family at home (they show reactions at home because they feel safe there) - Crying episodes, unexplained sadness and hopelessness - Loss of self-confidence: "Nobody likes me," "I am useless," "There is something wrong with me" - Cutting off old friends, social isolation - Personality change: An outgoing child becoming withdrawn - Increase in aggressive or defiant behaviors (some victims respond this way) - Self-harm thoughts or behaviors (in serious cases)

Physical Symptoms - Stomachache, headache (especially on school mornings) - Sleep disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, nightmares, night awakenings - Loss of appetite or overeating (stress eating) - Unexplained bruises, scratches, or injuries (in physical bullying) - Fatigue, low energy - Bedwetting (may recur in younger children as a stress response)

Digital Warning Signs - Appearing disturbed, sad, or angry after using a phone or computer - Avoiding showing the screen to others, protectively hiding the phone - Suddenly deleting an account or opening a new one - Completely refusing to be online or, conversely, obsessively checking - Marked anxiety or unease when notifications arrive - Stopping playing online games they previously enjoyed

Bully Profile: Who Becomes a Bully?

Not all children who bully are "bad" or "from problem families." This stereotype is both incorrect and blocks the support that children who bully also need. The bully profile shows great diversity in clinical practice in Ankara.

Proactive (Strategic) Bully

Bullies to gain social status, demonstrate power, and establish control over the group. These children typically:
- Have high social skills; are skilled at manipulation
- Have low empathy capacity; ignore others' pain
- Possess leadership qualities but use them destructively
- May have good academic or athletic performance (which is why they may be protected by adults)
- Are striving to appear "cool"

Reactive Bully

Often also victims themselves, with poor impulse control and easily provoked:
- May have been exposed to violence or neglect in their own home
- Impulsivity and anger control difficulties are prominent
- Unstable and inconsistent in friendships
- In both bully and victim roles ("bully-victim")

The **bully-victim group** is the group that research consistently shows to be at the highest psychiatric risk. Depression, anxiety, ADHD, and conduct disorder are seen at the highest rates in this group.

Passive Bully (Bystander-Supporter)

Does not directly bully but sides with the bully, laughs, supports, or remains silent:
- Acts out of the need to belong to the group
- Fears becoming the bully's target
- Uses the defense "I did not do anything" but is reinforcing the bullying

Issues in the Background of Bullying

In Ankara, **Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** emphasizes that children exhibiting bullying behavior also require comprehensive psychiatric evaluation. Background issues may include:

- Domestic violence or neglect
- Inter-parental conflict, divorce process
- Experiencing bullying or authoritarian discipline in their own home
- Trauma history (physical, emotional, or sexual abuse)
- Empathy deficits, lack of social-emotional learning
- ADHD: Harmful behaviors even if unintentional due to impulsivity
- Conduct disorder or oppositional defiant disorder
- Low self-esteem: Attempting to elevate oneself by belittling others
- Social skills learned through violence modeling

Psychological Effects: How Serious Is Bullying?

Research consistently shows that repeated bullying victimization leads to serious psychological harm both in the short and long term. The psychological effects of bullying are comparable in magnitude to the effects of physical violence and child abuse.

Short-Term Effects - **Anxiety and fear:** Feeling under constant threat, hypervigilance - **School refusal and academic decline:** Avoiding the environment where bullying occurs - **Low self-esteem and shame:** "It must be something I deserve" thinking - **Depressive symptoms:** Sadness, loss of interest, low energy, crying - **Somatic complaints:** Stomachache, headache, sleep problems - **Social withdrawal:** Distancing from friendships and social activities - **Academic performance decline:** Loss of attention and motivation

Long-Term Effects - **Depression and anxiety disorders carried into adulthood:** Depression risk increases 2-3 times in adults who were bullied during childhood. - **Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms:** Bullying is a traumatic experience; flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance behaviors may develop. - **Distrust in social relationships:** Constant expectation of rejection in new relationships. - **Difficulties in work life and romantic relationships:** Distrust of authority, fear of intimacy. - **Chronic low self-esteem:** Establishment of the belief "I am not worthy of being loved." - **Substance use risk:** Alcohol or substance use as a means of avoidance and coping. - **Suicide risk:** In rare but tragic cases; risk increases particularly with cyberbullying and prolonged victimization.

Some families who consult **Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** in Ankara report discovering their child's bullying history years later, during adult psychiatric treatment. This underscores how critical early intervention is.

Neuroscientific Effects of Bullying

Recent research has shown that chronic bullying also has negative effects on brain development:

- **Changes in cortisol levels:** Chronic stress leads to dysregulation of stress hormones.
- **Amygdala reactivity:** The threat detection center becomes hypersensitive; the child lives in a constant state of alert.
- **Prefrontal cortex development:** Decision-making and impulse control functions may be negatively affected.
- **Changes in brain connectivity:** Chronic stress can alter the development of neural networks.

These findings demonstrate that bullying is not "just a social problem" but a trauma that creates concrete effects on brain development.

Cyberbullying: The Growing Crisis of the Digital Age

The Situation in Turkey

Considering that smartphone use age in Turkey is steadily declining and social media use is reaching down to ages 10-11, cyberbullying has become a serious public health issue throughout Turkey, including Ankara. Research indicates that approximately **15-25%** of Turkish children are exposed to cyberbullying.

What Makes Cyberbullying Difficult

- **Anonymity:** The bully can hide their real identity; this emboldens them and makes the victim feel helpless.
- **Speed and spread:** Content can reach thousands of people within seconds; control is impossible.
- **Permanence:** Even if content is deleted, screenshots can keep circulating. Internet memory is permanent.
- **24/7 access:** The child cannot escape bullying even in a physically safe environment; they can be reached even in their bed via phone.
- **Bystander effect:** The audience online is much larger; this multiplies feelings of shame and humiliation.
- **Difficulty of parental monitoring:** It is much harder to monitor what the child experiences in the digital environment.

Psychological Effects of Cyberbullying

Research shows that cyberbullying is associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation compared to traditional bullying. The reasons include:

- No escape route (24/7 exposure)
- Size of the audience (shame multiplied)
- Permanence of content (continuous re-traumatization)
- Anonymity (not knowing the source of the threat)

Digital Safety Measures for Parents

In Ankara, Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu offers families the following recommendations regarding digital safety:

- **Digital literacy education:** Teaching children about reporting, blocking, and privacy settings.
- **Family agreement on screen time and platform rules:** Determining age-appropriate platforms, setting usage hours.
- **Open communication culture:** Rather than a culture of hiding screens from parents, conveying the message "if something online bothers you, tell me."
- **Preserving evidence in cyberbullying situations:** Taking screenshots, recording dates and times.
- **Official reporting channels:** Police reporting hotlines, content removal mechanisms, school notification.
- **Keeping social media accounts private:** Blocking messages from strangers.
- **Complying with age limits of apps:** Platforms like Instagram and TikTok have a 13-year age limit.

Intervening in School Bullying: Step-by-Step Guide

When Your Child Is Being Bullied

**1. Stay calm and listen.** Panic, anger, or the reaction "What? Who did it? I am going to the school!" prevents the child from feeling safe and may cause them never to tell again. Stay calm, make eye contact, and listen.

**2. Validate and affirm their feelings.** "This is not your fault. You were very brave to tell me. I am proud of you." These messages reduce the child's feelings of guilt and shame.

**3. Record details systematically.** What happened? Who did it? When? Where? Are there witnesses? This information is important for both the school and legal processes.

**4. Communicate constructively with the school.** Meet with the class teacher, school counselor, and principal. Use solution-focused rather than accusatory language. "I want to share what my child is experiencing and I want to find a solution together."

**5. Seek professional support.** Bullying victimization is a traumatic experience. Psychological evaluation with Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu in Ankara is recommended.

**6. Empower your child.** Convey the message "We will solve this together. You are not alone." Help strengthen the child's social support network.

When Your Child Is Bullying Others

**1. Do not get defensive.** "My child would never do something like that" does not solve the problem and sends the wrong message to the child.

**2. Condemn the behavior, not the child.** "This behavior is unacceptable and deeply hurts the other person" vs. "You are a bad person."

**3. Discuss empathy.** "Put yourself in that child's place. How would you feel if someone did the same to you?" Practice empathy with concrete scenarios.

**4. Clarify consequences.** Clearly explain how harmful bullying is for both victim and bully, including school and legal consequences.

**5. Investigate the background.** What lies beneath the bullying behavior? Is there violence at home? Are they being bullied themselves? Request psychiatric evaluation from Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu in Ankara.

**6. Create a behavior change plan.** Teach alternatives to bullying behavior; refer to social skills training and anger management programs.

Prevention: School and Family Cooperation

Effective prevention requires alignment between school policies and family attitudes. Research shows that comprehensive school-based anti-bullying programs can reduce bullying by **20-23%**.

School-Level Prevention

- **Clear anti-bullying policies and sanctions:** Rules known to all school stakeholders, consistently applied.
- **Teacher training:** Systematic training in recognizing, responding to, and reporting bullying.
- **Bystander intervention programs:** Research shows that a bystander saying "This is wrong, stop it" can stop bullying **57%** of the time. Salmivalli's KiVa program has the strongest evidence base in this area.
- **Social-emotional learning curriculum:** Teaching empathy, communication, conflict resolution, and emotion regulation skills.
- **Creating safe spaces:** Better supervision of restrooms, corridors, and schoolyards.
- **School climate surveys:** Regularly measuring students' perceptions of safety.

Family-Level Prevention

- **Modeling empathy and respect values at home:** Children imitate their parents' behaviors. Respectful communication within the family is the strongest protective factor against bullying.
- **Building a strong attachment relationship:** Create a parent relationship where the child can say anything. Convey the message "You can come to me whenever you are in trouble; I will not judge you."
- **Supporting social skills development:** Assertiveness is the foundation of a child's ability to protect themselves against bullying. Teach the balance between being passive and being aggressive.
- **Media literacy and digital safety:** Teach online risks and safe usage rules in age-appropriate ways.
- **Supporting friendship skills:** Strong friendships create a protective buffer against bullying. Encourage developing extracurricular activities and social networks.
- **Teaching problem-solving skills:** Teach your child what to do in conflict situations; create response options.

Comprehensive Evaluation with Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu

**Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** follows this comprehensive evaluation process with families presenting in Ankara regarding bullying:

Evaluation Steps

1. **Individual interview with the child (45-60 minutes):** The bullying experience, emotional impact, sense of safety, coping strategies, and social relationship patterns are evaluated in detail. The child telling their story in their own words is the beginning of the therapeutic process.

2. **Parent interview:** Family context, communication patterns, home environment, parents' attitudes toward bullying, and the child's developmental history are examined.

3. **Standardized assessment tools:** Depression scales (CDI), anxiety scales (SCARED, MASC), trauma screening scales (CPTS-RI, UCLA PTSD Index), bullying experience scales, and self-esteem and social skills assessments.

4. **PTSD assessment:** Traumatic stress symptoms are systematically screened in cases of repeated and severe bullying victimization.

5. **Comorbidity assessment:** Depression, anxiety disorders, ADHD, conduct disorder, and other comorbidities are investigated.

6. **School communication and coordination:** Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu prepares school notification letters when needed, conducts phone consultations with school counselors, and contributes to the development of school intervention plans.

7. **Treatment plan:** A comprehensive plan is created including individual therapy (CBT, trauma-focused therapy), parent guidance, social skills training, and medication when needed (especially for depression or PTSD symptoms).

At the centrally located clinic in Ankara, **Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** provides accessible scheduling with both weekday and weekend appointment availability.

Treatment Approaches

**For bullying victims:**
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Changing negative thought patterns, rebuilding self-esteem
- Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT): For cases with PTSD symptoms
- Social skills training: Assertiveness, boundary-setting, friendship skills
- Parent guidance: Skills for parents to empower their child
- Group therapy: Sharing with children who have had similar experiences

**For children who bully:**
- Empathy development programs
- Anger management and impulse control training
- Social skills and problem-solving training
- Family therapy (addressing family dynamics)
- Treatment of underlying psychiatric disorders (ADHD, conduct disorder)

Recommendations for Families: Daily Practices

Build Open Communication with Your Child

Beyond asking "How was school?" each day, ask deeper questions:
- "What bothered you most today?"
- "Did anyone upset or frighten you?"
- "What did you do during break? Who did you spend time with?"
- "Did you see anyone in class being treated unfairly?"

These questions make it easier for children to share about bullying indirectly.

Focus on Problem-Solving, Not Just Reporting

"Let me go tell the teacher" can sometimes work, but it sometimes leads to the child being labeled a "snitch." Develop strategies together with your child:
- "Let us think together about what we can do in this situation."
- "What would you like to do? How can I support you?"
- Respect the child's autonomy but do not leave them alone.

Teach Bystander Intervention

Research shows that bystander intervention is the most effective way to stop bullying. Teach your child bystander intervention:
- Saying "This is wrong, leave them alone"
- Inviting the victim to join their group: "Come sit with us"
- Telling an adult (this is responsibility, not snitching)
- The bully losing their audience weakens the bullying

Empower Your Child

Self-confidence, social skills, and strong friendships are protective factors against bullying:
- Support your child in building social networks outside of school (sports team, music classes, scouts)
- Teach assertiveness: Show the difference between defending oneself and being aggressive
- Help them discover their strengths: Every child has an area that makes them feel valuable
- Body language training: Upright posture, eye contact, and a firm tone of voice have a deterrent effect on bullying

Protect Yourself Too

Learning that your child is experiencing bullying is also a traumatic experience for parents. You may feel anger, guilt, and helplessness. Do not ignore your own emotional needs; seek support for yourself if needed.

Conclusion

Peer bullying is not an experience to be "grown out of." Its psychological effects can last for years, permanently damage self-confidence and social development, and negatively affect brain development. Physical, verbal, relational bullying and the increasingly widespread cyberbullying all pose serious threats to children's mental health.

In Ankara, child and adolescent psychiatrist **Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** comprehensively evaluates both bullying victims and children displaying bullying behavior, and implements appropriate treatment plans. Bullying is not only the victim's problem but the bully's and the entire class's concern; therefore, intervention must be holistic.

If you suspect your child is being bullied or is bullying others, do not wait to consult our Ankara clinic. Early evaluation with **Assoc. Prof. Dr. Mehtap Eroğlu** is the most effective way to prevent negative impacts.

*Your child does not have to face bullying alone — and you do not have to manage this process alone either.*